I made a big decision yesterday. It wasn't spur of the moment. It's something I've thought about a lot over the past year and yesterday it just finally felt right. So I got on my computer and applied to SLCC for the fall semester. I want to get an AS degree in English and then move on to a University for my bachelors and graduate studies.
I've been trying to decide what to do with myself ever since Ian started first grade. He is in second grade now. Do I get a job? Go to school? Write more books and pray for success? Or should I keep doing foster care and adopt more children? I was leaning heavily towards the school end of things when my sister suffered her stroke at the beginning of January. Suddenly all thoughts of myself went out the window and CoCo became the only thing that mattered. But that has changed now too. CoCo's husband, Clay, came up last Friday and took her home with him to Monticello.
I must admit that I have very mixed feelings about this. I feel very protective towards my sister and having her leave my care was really hard. She's doing very well. She is walking and is regaining the use of her right arm. She performs all self-care tasks unassisted and even her speech and communication skills are improving. She got to the point where she was even doing laundry and dishes. The problem was that she was smack in the middle of her therapies. I was hoping she would stay long enough to finish those, especially the speech therapy, but she and Clay were tired of being apart. And I can understand that. I worry about her though. She doesn't have any family support in Monticello. It's just her and Clay.
After CoCo left, I spent several days not knowing what to do with myself. I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands and a lot of thoughts on my mind. I realized that a good portion of my life has been spent in the service of others, from my own kids and husband, to extended family, to foster children and their families. I'm a caregiver. It's what I do and what I know how to do. Stepping out of that role and into another is a scary prospect for me. But it's time for something different.
I've always wanted a college education and I'm finally in a position to take advantage of that opportunity. Besides, getting a degree in English will help me be a better writer and that in turn will aid me in my goal of someday being a published author. To quote Rafiki from The Lion King, "It is time!"
